It's Unfair!

by Chuck Spezzano

Many people have made this cry to me in professional and personal situations as they described painful events that happened. When the last person said this to me, it got me thinking about the issue and dynamics of unfairness with a view to transforming this unfortunate life pattern. And since it is a life pattern, not just a one time event, it behooves us to heal it.

When we feel that something is unfair, it shows that we have a belief system that things can be unfair. To change a certain belief system once you recognize that you have it, all you need do is stop investing in it. You can imagine yourself letting it go or putting it in God’s hands or even integrating it with a more positive belief system. Or you could imagine that you melted it down to its pure energy and bring the pure energy back into you.

Having an experience of unfairness means we have a split mind. Naturally, there is the energy of our willingness to go forward that propels us in a positive direction. But our experience of unfairness is a part of our own mind that was judged, split off and projected as an obstruction in our life that makes us feel as if we are unfairly put upon. Yet at some level, it is a part of a pattern in which we are unfairly putting upon ourself in this situation as a result of our own self-attack. This splitting off that we do is an attempt to keep a positive self identity. All splitting operates on the basis of denial. We cover up that have a part of us we do not like. We literally pretend that what we have split off is not in us. Then we forget about the whole thing. But denial is a defense that eventually leads us to be surprised in a bad way. The splitting means our mind is going in two different directions leading to fear and resistance. Both parts of our mind then fear that they will not have their needs met, and there is conflict as a result.

When we judge ourself, it can lead to splitting, which then leads to a shadow figure in our own mind. This shadow we project outside ourself because we cannot stand the feeling of guilt. Having a shadow inside us may lead us to act unfairly to another without awareness that the shadow script is at work. Or because we have split off the part about ourself we judged, we feel superior to another and may treat him unfairly as a result. Splitting leads us to feel good about ourself, at least for a time, and superior to others. In this way, we feel we have proved at least to ourself that we have won the competition. But superiority is always a vicious circle with inferiority never too far away. This all can be let go of as a bad investment.

Another way to get rid of the superiority-inferiority vicious circle is to integrate it by melting both sides down to its pure energy – bringing the now purified energy back inside us. We can do the same with what we have made into a shadow. We can integrate all of the shadows we have of a certain regard, such as the one who treated us unfairly. Then we can return the purified energy back into ourself, healing our split mind.

Feeling that something is unfair is a victim stance. It is the weakest of stances in regard to success. When we or anyone has been victimized, we deserve love, comfort and compassion; but if we are to move beyond this painful pattern, then we need to heal ourself. To do this we must categorically give up guilt, for it was guilt that led to the unfair event used to punish ourself. If we don’t heal an obstacle, another whole level of bad feeling/guilt may later arise from the unfair event because the original guilt was not healed and the self-attack that always comes after an unfair, victim event compounds the guilt and self-attack that led to the event.

It is time to let go of any and all guilt as an ego perpetuated illusion that supports the ego but not our true self. In an ‘unfair’ situation, you can ask yourself intuitively what you were punishing yourself for. Put this illusion of guilt into God’s hands who, as the principle of Innocence knows that we could not essentially change from how we were created as innocent. He sees us as categorically innocent. This allows us to take responsibility, a stance of empowerment that helps us correct any mistakes that our ego wants to turn into guilt to build itself.

Also, when we say something is unfair, we ignore the principle that we reap what we sow and what has occurred began as an action or thought of ours. This is basically the law of karma, which we all adhere to. Luckily for us, God does not believe in karma. God knows that we are His beloved child. This is the end of the story for God. For us to be beyond the law of karma, it takes forgiveness or the willingness to identify ourself as a child of God, deserving only every good thing and not what our ego has determined that we deserve.

You can use forgiveness to forgive yourself, the unfair event and anyone else involved. Remember, having an unfair event happen to us is a way of attacking someone close to us. It is important to forgive that person also.

To side with our ego, falling for its blandishments that could never make us happy, is to lock ourself into a pattern of unfairness. The ego’s purpose, such as paying off guilt, attempting to protect us from fear or proving we are right, simply leads to more pain. We must give up this investment in our ego as a very bad deal.

Go back to when you chose to go down this ego path that started this particular unfairness.

How old were you?

Who was there?

What happened?

What did the ego offer you to go down its path?

Did that make you happy?

On the other hand, what did Heaven and your higher mind offer you in the way of a gift?

Go back to that crossroads just before you split off part of your mind that later became unfairness and went down the ego’s path. Make another choice. You can embrace the gift you are offered instead by your higher mind, share it with anyone in the situation and allow yourself to come up a path that provides smoothness and ease, untroubled by obstructions and unfairness.

Chuck Spezzano

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